True Heirs of Ginott
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Reading this somewhat dated, self-help-centered, yet ultimately brilliant book reminded me of discussing a thorny subject with an eccentric college professor: He or she might be disorganized and a bit unconventional but the luminance of (presumed!) great ideas shines through. As for actual professors, the authors fully acknowledge their debt to legendary child development specialist Haim Ginott -- they were students of his -- and can be given full credit for extending his work in important areas: in this case, adult/child communication.
The ideas introduced here -- first published in 1980, but still more than relevant as of this writing (2008) -- are truly revolutionary. Consider that punitive punishment, not to mention corporal discipline ("spare the rod ...") is not only ineffective but actually counter-productive (and incidentally has nothing to do with being a "soft" or "tough" parent). Responding to children's questions not with lectures but with more questions and affirmations often opens them up (e.g., children often ask questions as a means to introducing a topic). And my personal favorite: instead of undercutting or contradicting how a child is obviously feeling ("oh, cheer up!"), do everything you can to help him or her drink in these emotions; they'll learn what emotions are for, how to identify them and develop a healthy perspective toward them in general.
These are, of course, just examples; the authors have many more, covering nearly every conceivable aspect of parent/child communication. Faber and Mazlish also keep a brisk, simple style throughout that only occasionally become TOO brisk and simple (see below). Their examples are highly relevant, if occasionally a little cheesy; I didn't count, but I'd wager more than half the book is either anecdotes or exercises - but all to good purpose.
On the downside, organization is not a strong suit. Many discussions meander between multiple topics where a strong focus - given the underlying ideas - would have been especially welcome. Even without this being an update to an earlier edition, many sections feel padded: space for exercises is probably justified, but letters from previous readers - though often interesting - could clearly have been edited down. And inclusion of simply-drawn cartoons that only reiterate points made in the text imposes a sappy "teacher's edition" feel that -- to me -- detracts from the importance of the subject.
A more serious objection is actually almost tautological: that this book is clearly geared toward parents (and their children) who *need* help and have probably been engaging in behavior that the authors specifically attempt to remedy. This may seem obvious -- not least from the book title -- but since it isn't explicitly mentioned I would caution parents *without* specific difficulties that this is *not* a "parenting manual." Many of the techniques mentioned ("Alternatives to Punishment") are specifically geared toward breaking bad habits, not necessarily cementing good ones from scratch. Parents interested in the latter need to read the lessons and examples carefully - and in many cases adapt them to their situation. To be fair, the authors mention the need for personal adaptation - but not in this context.
Even with all this carping, "How to Talk ..." is an excellent choice for parents wanting to effectively communicate with their children -- not to mention preparing them for a satisfying emotional life and strong interpersonal relationships. Faber and Mazlish can take pride in extending Mr. Ginott's ideas and opening the same to entire new audiences.
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